You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You...

Don't you?  Don't you?  Don't youuuuuu?

As a disclaimer, I want to let you know, I have suffered from a severe case of writers block due to the fact my last entry received some "constructive criticism".  Certain readers (shout out to Rick!) believe it was lame of me to write a blog about a mustache made for cars.  So here it is, my fight to end my paralized creativity and totally redeem myself (yes, that last bit is a Dumb and Dumber reference).

 And so it begins...Social Media & Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”

The subject of Simon’s song has forever been a matter of speculation.   “Who could Carly possibly be talking about?!”  Is it a particular man or is it men in general or is it a big f-you to a self-absorbed society?  Man, men, society, whatever!  To me, it’s obvious Carly Simon is a scorned lover who wasn't able to take to Facebook to socially humiliate the jerk via public forum, so she did the best she could; she wrote a song that would kick ‘em right where it hurts:  The ego.     

vain/vān/Adjective

1. Having or showing an excessively high opinion of one's appearance, abilities, or worth

Yes, I realize the very act of me writing my own blog is, in itself, an expression of my vanity.  Now that we've established that, let's move on.  

In exploring the relationship of vanity and social media, I pulled up an article that someone wrote on this very issue.  The title?  "The Dark Side of Social Media."    Um, really?  It could’ve just as easily been entitled, "The World Will End Thanks to Social Media, You Might as Well Jump Off the Nearest Cliff, Balcony or Bridge this very moment!  But Quick - Tweet About it Before You Lose Your Soul!"  

Come on, this is supposed to be fun, check your dark side at the door!  Laugh with me, laugh at me.  The purpose of my blog is to make you chuckle, maybe even give you a full blown laughing fit, although doubtful.  Funny is funny.  Funny is good.  Laughing is good for your health.  Healthy makes you live.  Living is the goal, right?  See what I did there, I let my very own vanity trick me into thinking that if I get a laugh out of you, I can essentially save your life!  Call me Dr. Meek if you'd like!   No, don’t.  Scratch that and thank your lucky stars I am not a doctor.  

Point is, for decades, centuries, lifetimes, we have all had something to say, social forums just give us the ability to express those things in a new way.   It’s sort of like that time in middle school you thought it was a good idea to dye your hair blue to “express yourself”, social media is another platform aiding in the expression of ourselves - good, self-absorbed, regretful or just plain funny.    Carly Simon agrees.  Don't you?

Don't you?

Don't youuuuuuuuu?

Americamazing.

Someone out there, everyone out there...you NEED this!

CLICK HERE to purchase the CARSTACHE

I grew up being told there's nothing more American than baseball and hotdogs.  On this day in history, June 8th, 2011, I beg to differ.  

Excuse me?  You said what?  CARSTACHE?  A moustache for your car?  Fashioned in a patirotic manner with red (hairlike border) white (stars) and blue (background)?  And it's made in the U-S of A?  Americ-duh!  As a matter of fact, it sounds Americamazing!

A shout out to Urban Outfitters for supplying fellow Americans with the opportunity to purchase such a patriotic prized possesion.  A super shout out to America for supplying fellow Americans with the opportunity to experience the MOST patriotic prized possesion of all: FREEDOM!

***Cue the Fireworks, Groom that Carstache and Crack Open the Beer, 'Cause It's time to Freakin' Celebrate!***

Don't Worry, Get Happy

Over the course of the last couple of days, I've noticed a resurgence of positivity and I am EXCITED about it.  What makes this so?  I'm not a rocket scientist (I'm sure you are all nodding your heads in agreement and hey, as always - I appreciate the support) but I'd have to believe positive is what people need these days.  I sure as heck need it. My need has inspired me to recall some of my favorite smile inducing moments, you know,  the day-to-day happenings that bring on all of those, "hey, life ain't so bad!" realizations.  

There's nothing like driving on a fresh tank of gas, you know?  Your car seems to sit higher, drive smoother, and just be more badass overall.  Yep, that's right.  My car actually has the capability of being a badass. Every schmo has the Limited or Luxury package.   I have the BADASS package.  Yes, boys and girls, that's what POSITIVITY gets you.  Badass-ness. For your vehicle. 

Other moments worth mentioning: 

• That million dollar feeling you get after a long shower that is usually deserved after a long night of hard partying & smooth dance moves. 
• Riding with the windows down, tunes turned up, wind whipping through your hair. 
• Screaming CANNONBALL! before you make your splash (Everybody, I have an important announcement to make!)
• First sip of a cold beer ("What's cooler than cool?  Ice Cold!)
• DANCING!
• 80's themed anything (DANCING!)
• Publix subs.
• As a Florida native, I've seen my fair share of both but somehow sunsets and dolphins never get old. 
• The smell of a sharpie marker (I get a whiff of the smell when the marker is in use, I don't purposely SNIFF these and I would recommend you do the same).
• Your first tan after a long winter (for most, it's probably more like a sun burn...Slimmons, this one's for you!) 
• This song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

So don't worry, get happy and enjoy yourself a little.  Life's a little easier with a glass half full (of wine) and a smile. 

RAIN; A Blog About Anything But the Weather.

What defines desperation?  Many words, events and names could be inserted here to truly grasp the meaning of desperate.  We'll save those for another day.   Today, I choose WAKA FLAKA's song, "No Hands" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skhxizRYxps) as it pertains to desperation by way of nursery rhymes.  I repeat, nursery rhymes!  

In all honesty, when I first heard this song I thought it was clever.  I'd even go so far as to say that it actually put a smile on my face.   But - Come on!  Rapping nursery rhymes?

"Rain rain go away that's what all my haters say"  It is a catchy little jingle, isn't it?  Yeah, that's because it's been done before, in a book of nursery rhymes made for kids who have picturesque childhoods.   Brilliant, isn't it?  Yeah, brilliantly deseprate!  Can't come up with your own rhymes so you steal from children's childhoods? Perfect.  

If you need to brush up on terms such as "making it rain," I believe this link will be quite informational for you. However, if you use this link, I will also judge you.  

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rain

YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT "MAKING IT RAIN" MEANS?  Just how long have you been living underneath that rock of yours? 

Weather forecast for today? Rain with a 100% Chance of Desepration.

End of the World > Ke$ha > Evolution

In the day and age of an overwhelming number of readily available information sources and platforms, one would assume that we're evolving to be a more intelligent society.   (We all know what happens when we assume...makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me").  

Let's use Ke$ha as my case study to show how assumptions can go terribly awry (also, as a disclaimer, I want to let it be known that her music is my guilty pleasure).  However, I must have some fun in taking jabs at her nonsensical lyrics.  Please refer to the lines below:

Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer

Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here

Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger

But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger  -Tick Tock by Ke$ha

What I've learned thus far: 

Mick Jagger > Beer & Swagger >  Money > World Cares

Got it. 

But let me get this straight: we're kicking 'em to curb UNLESS they look like Mick Jagger?  I'd personally do a lot more than just kick you to the curb IF you looked like Mick Jagger.  And is this the ghost of Mick Jagger past or are we referring to Mick Jagger in present day?  Either option isn't fabulous.  Past Mick looks more like a gal than Ke$ha does and present Mick...well, I'm sure he has a good personality.  My point?  If intelligence is what we're aiming for in the scheme of evolution, Ke$ha is a contributer to its regression.  Am I completely mad about it?  No.  Have her jams contributed to some totally epic dance parties?  Sure.   And is the world coming to an end in 2012, anyway?  Of course!  So why worry if society is headed in the right direction?  Let's crack open a cold one, throw intelligence to the wind and hang with Mick Jagger - quickly!  We don't have long.